Truda and Aut

reflection standing in shallow water

Part One

for two voices

  1. there are two rooms
  2. τ and α
  3. and two of them
  4. Truda (seen) and the other (unseen)
  5. τ is Truda’s room and moves with her
  6. α is the other’s
  7. who Truda calls Aut
  8. it is towards her that Truda is heading
  9. there are the movements and the landscapes
  10. and those who come and go
  11. there are the companions and the boy
  12. who
  13. as often as not
  14. is also
  15. called Aut

She Thought She Knew

  1. this Aut, my brother, her son,
  2. the way she would speak to him,
  3. no longer thinking, her words working against him
  4. he couldn’t have heard more than only every other
  5. or clumps and then nothing
  6. as he handed her the water and then
  7. one by one, took each pill from the plate
  8. first by colour, then by size
  9. always the same
  10. down they’d go as he rubbed off
  11. what was left
  12. in the pinch of his fingers
  13. or when he’d ask where she’d hidden his
  14. books, maps and magazines, this Aut,
  15. was written in from the start, as he often was, but,
  16. when it came to it
  1. why come with me she had said, as she often did,
  2. he hadn’t answered
  3. you could stay with the others
  4. silence
  1. and from then on they had both carried on
  2. as if the decision had been made
  1. he would take the empty plate and drink
  2. what was left in the glass or clutch
  3. whatever she had chosen to give him
  4. after that when he spoke
  5. it was only to himself as he left
  6. through one of the doors past us
  7. and away from the room
  1. there were times when we would hear
  2. the rise and fall of his voice
  3. his feet on the walls as he climbed
  4. the sound of pages turning
  5. or him scratching the canvas covers
  6. sat on the roof
  7. pulling them free and peering through the gaps
  8. and times when he and the sound of him
  9. just drifted away
  1. the night that he was born, so she told me,
  2. the midwife, the first to see his face, told her
  3. oh this one’s been here before
  4. she had held him as they stitched her and then
  5. when she could walk
  6. had made it to the bath
  7. everything was slow
  8. the blood stain in the water
  9. and the pain spread by the heat

Bound

  1. Because it is better to stay put
  2. than lean on screens by rattling doors
  3. or slump, too tired to sleep, and
  4. press your face against the cold
  5. of the carriage window, its shake
  1. stirred by a deep haunched drone and
  2. your hand shaking too, your hold gone,
  3. your eyes flitting from piles of
  4. stones and matted grass to the
  5. swollen, sodden fields behind.
  1. Shelter from or shelter for? Your
  2. spit like clabber, wishing away
  3. dinting peers through darkened glass,
  4. a fall on the bridge and the flaying burr
  5. of the, at last, departing train.
  1. they are both makers
  2. as long as they are in their rooms
  3. Truda can gather as she goes
  4. or make trades with what she has
  5. but the other
  6. who Truda calls Aut
  7. she
  8. if she must make
  9. has no choice but to dismantle what is to hand
  10. to get the things she needs

Thought She Knew The Centre Of Him

  1. she would glance over
  2. each time he gave to her what
  3. he often had to give to me, his head
  4. in her lap on those long journeys, we often made.
  5. Or when she bathed him
  6. and each word or laugh seemed aimed at me
  7. listening in the room below
  1. this rub they’d get as they’d resonate
  2. and clamp the water moving
  3. and the sound of his limbs sliding along
  4. the surface of the bath.
  1. On one of those journeys
  2. I took him from her lap
  3. and led him to an open window
  4. his back to me, he took all of the breeze,
  5. and we both looked out over, but

Night Swimming

  1. When you admit that it need not be him,
  2. it is the alonewith of water,
    1. what is caught,
      1. if not grace,
      2. in its gathering and
      3. each and every descent, in turn,
  3. no change from your own, two feet on each step
  4. and something like a presence.
  1. Or the last time you notice the flavour to the air
  2. of distant traffic and wild garlic —
  3. brittle, dormant, slight —
  4. buried with every strip of you that
  5. loosens its weight to the mould until
  1. your shoulders ease and your ears fill
  2. with the bruised overspend of the sound
  3. of spoken words — no need to know —
  4. your hands unclenched, resigned to the blight
  5. of what was washed from the others.
  1. they both have a case
  2. to hold the things they make
  3. when the people come to τ
  4. they see Truda make and
  5. when she is done with making
  6. place what she has made into her case
  7. when they come to α
  8. the other
  9. who Truda calls Aut
  10. is not there
  11. and all the people see is what she has dismantled
  12. and
  13. in the midst of all of this
  14. her case
  15. open
  16. with what she has made laid neatly inside
  17. and laid out around
  18. an unfilled space

in the wake of which was the close of day

  1. the work was hard and our progress slow
  1. each day
  2. once Truda had washed and eaten and packed her case
  3. we would begin to secure the room, boarding up doors
  4. and windows and tacking down any canvas that had
  5. come loose
  1. we would attach the ropes and
  2. with some people pushing
  3. and others pulling
  4. haul the room across the ground
  1. Truda would walk alongside and Aut
  2. would always be somewhere nearby
  1. we tried to avoid the roads but
  2. this wasn’t always possible
  3. drivers would shout and Li
  4. the project manager would return their shouts before
  5. turning on us
  1. Aut would stick to the pavement as
  2. he didn’t trust the cars to stay away
  1. when we got to that day’s destination
  2. we would prepare the ground
  3. and slide the room into place
  4. we would prise away the boards
  5. wash the walls and sweep the floor
  6. Truda would chalk out a square within which to work
  7. that no one but her could enter
  1. we always left plenty of time before the next
  2. audience was due
  3. some of us would take the chance to sleep
  4. or explore our new surroundings
  1. if the weather was fine
  2. Aut would gather what he had and make his place up
  3. on the roof
  1. she had not started out calling him Aut
  2. it was just that his first name chosen
  3. long before he was born, so she often said,
  4. came
  5. with an idea of him which
  6. no longer seemed
  7. to fit

Overspeech

  1. before he was Aut he would say very little
  2. just mimic the rhythms of voices he heard
  3. in long inflected lines of
  4. a music we called overspeech
  1. but there was nothing more than that
  2. the world that made sense to him
  3. was almost entirely visual
  4. and only through this world were words possible
  1. as things became particular and eventually familiar
  2. images would deteriorate into signs
  3. and this music, in turn, would deteriorate
  4. into language
  1. the world was no longer a space to move through
  2. but the remains of a piecing together
  3. ready to be dispersed
  4. and what was once close to muteness
  1. had become almost indistinct from the usual
  2. loanwords, pleas and prayers,
  3. broken oaths and discardedness
  4. within a borrowed force of voice

unwound

  1. Where else would it go? That look, sitting close,
  2. each wall of each room, the gut of the smell
  3. rising. And aching through you,
  4. grief for the unmissed
  5. wound about the heels of the chair
  1. you lift and set down. The world set apart,
  2. outside its own reach. Her look
  3. gathering, falling on you. Her
  4. hands washed so dry
  5. skin cracked at the knuckle,
  1. she stems the blood with vaseline.
  2. And you, sitting close, where else
  3. would it go? Each troubled room,
  4. the gut of the walls. And outside the light
  5. follows its shadows.

That There Was A Centre Of Him

  1. on one of those journeys we often made,
  2. I took him from her lap
  3. and led him to an open window
  4. his back to me, he took all of the breeze,
  5. and we both looked out over, but
  6. as another train passed
  7. in the opposite direction
  8. I saw briefly in its closed windows
  9. a face he had always kept to himself
  10. and I turned from this face and looked through
  11. the carriage door
  12. at her looking back
  1. when the others come to watch
  2. Truda must speak while she makes
  3. she can describe what she is doing
  4. recite
  5. distract
  6. or mislead
  7. it is her choice
  8. but
  9. the making must not speak for itself
  10. and it must not remain silent

Two notes on listening

  1. If he wants to watch television, switch the subtitles on. And don’t bother with those barren channels of endless loops of American cartoons because they’re too cheap to write them.
  2. If people are speaking in a foreign language, steer him away, it makes him anxious. I once had him in the middle of a crowd of German tourists shouting
  1. no
  2. no
  3. no
    1. just
    2. speak
  1. English

And another

  1. listening is what sets him apart
  2. he’ll try and join in with the other
  3. boys
  4. and then something will happen
  5. his hands will go to his ears and he’ll
  6. fade back
  7. as they move on
  1. in the park
  2. he’s taken to playing with the
  3. younger children
  4. part peer part patron
  5. playing their games
  6. helping them over obstacles
  7. singing their songs
  8. oh I can sing the French version of
  9. this
  10. can you
  1. well
  1. I can hum it
  1. neither of them should dismiss their own thoughtlessness
  2. even if it is relentless
  3. their making must lie within it
  4. when honest attention is no longer possible
  5. the lack (of attention)
  6. is all they have to work with

Nothing left to be heard

  1. In the prayers setdown —
  2. gone and done — reciting in
  3. the strayless light from
  4. under the storm where
  5. all is brought to nothing.
  1. In the gait of each thought —
  2. been and gone — the walls of
  3. the room, above and below,
  4. all of what is caught inside
  5. is all of what is kept undone
  1. is all of what is left without.
  2. You look at the space
  3. the cloth in your hand
  4. nothing is gone
  5. nothing is gone.

nothing left of the heard

  1. And now, on my way back,
  2. retracing the last of those often taken journeys,
  3. looking from here
  4. it seems strange to have sat to the side
  5. for those first few weeks
  6. and then, when we arrived home,
  7. been thrown back into the centre of things,
  8. tending to her those last few days in bed
  9. as she slowly lost her voice.
  1. Aut took to living downstairs, sleeping on the sofa,
  2. spending his days in the kitchen with the door shut
  3. or out playing in the garden. I would take him to visit
  4. once a day, up the stairs and along the landing,
  5. when I knew she’d be awake.
  1. I asked if he wanted to come with me on this one but
  2. he couldn’t see the point. Not, at least, of us both going.
  3. I’ll call you each night if that’s ok
  4. you can Skype me
  5. alright
  6. it’s free
  7. sure
  1. from the window
  2. and with my laptop on the bed
  3. I can see the pub garden
  4. the tarpaulins rolled and stashed on the makeshift roofs
  5. or laid out and covered in pools of water
  6. I can see the two small doors in the back walls of the fast food vans
  7. and the cars around the funeral home
  8. they come and go
  9. sometimes
  10. among the cars
  11. I see the pallbearers
  12. hunched and smoking
  13. or fetching water to wash the hearse
  14. I see the private ambulance
  15. pull up and
  1. through the gates
  2. they stretcher a body inside
  3. I see the field on the hill
  4. a stagnant road
  5. the murk on the trees
  6. the pole
  7. wires
  8. and scoured bricks
  9. the leaf stains
  10. paint spill
  11. pitch and split
  12. all spoors reduced
  13. to marks
  14. I am the only one who hasn’t checked out yet
  15. there’s no laughing or working
  16. heard in the chimney
  17. no bird trapped there
  18. its wings clipping the walls
  19. as it tries to move up
  20. it makes its usual call
  21. and I feel like I’ve
  1. lost the beginning
  2. and I’m back
  3. in that room
  4. with the knife this time
  1. its swollen blade
  2. serrated edge
  3. nothing comes
  4. no story
  5. no nowness
  6. no present moment
  7. and without one
  8. the sounds become oppressive
  9. the waves of traffic
  10. the building works
  11. the sirens going out
  12. and automated voices
  13. the waves of works
  14. traffic building
  15. voices going out
  16. the automated
  17. the autom…the
  18. the rhythm distanced
  19. distancing
  20. works
  1. against
  2. the going out and waves of voice
  3. I have to wait
  4. the age of them
  5. it couldn’t be anything else
  6. I think
  7. even in the pressed yellow
  8. under the dark rain clouds
  9. the aching shift
  10. of the bascule bridge
  11. black and blue and silver and grey
  12. blue in the black and grey in the blue
  13. I can see the sun through the trees
  14. and the routines of taiga grosbeaks
  15. in the rowans of the reef
  16. the tick of the clock
  17. its shadow borne face
  18. and the mummified birds
  1. pulled from their place in the shelter
  2. it couldn’t be anything else
  3. there is always some conceit
  4. a listener
  5. or receiver I must remove
  6. they are the
  1. first to go
  2. I watch every face on one platform at Shinjuku station
  3. pass slowly by
  4. going back to catch the ones I missed
  5. the face masks
  6. coughs
  7. those turned away
  8. many are looking down
  9. no one spots they are being watched
  10. no one
  11. but me
  12. seems to be looking at
  13. until
  14. I see
  1. myself
  2. trapped in the beat of the light
  3. in the gloss of the black
  4. I watch the students gather on the corner
  5. most wave down the bus
  6. and the dog walkers in the field
  7. who
  8. for a moment
  9. among the branches
  10. are conjoined
  11. another animal’s shape
  12. and then out the other side
  13. their dogs following
  14. circling away
  15. he
  16. when I call
  17. a bed in a room
  18. just a bed and mattress
  19. no bedding
  20. and nothing else
  21. sat on the edge
  22. facing me
  23. his
  1. clothes are simple and grey
  2. sometimes we just listen
  3. the kind of sounds
  4. that swell the quiet
  5. surround us until
  6. I find a reason
  7. to talk
  8. or reach the end
  9. a reason
  10. overruled
  11. at times
  12. at least
  13. I know
  1. he’s watching something else
  2. his eyes wander to the side of the screen
  3. so I return to the window
  4. staying in shot
  1. always
  2. watching not
  3. always
  4. watching
  5. un til
  1. the forced borrow in his voice
  2. I make up something
  3. to keep them out
  4. just say it’s worked and
  5. he believes me
  1. this barren
  2. trust in words
  3. I’ve given
  4. before is gone
  5. and what is left
  1. my own nostalgia
  2. always there
  3. the curtains
  4. open to the dark even
  5. ing rain
  1. in the
  2. uncompleted
  3. of I
  4. I breathe in the breath
  5. of the cold
  1. the burnt grease
  2. sawdust
  3. cigarillo
  4. smoke muffle
  5. clamped applause
  1. step off
  2. into
  3. the nothing
  4. coming
  5. step off into
  1. the coming after
  2. re-en
  3. actment
  4. hand pull walking hand
  5. written lists
  1. the luminous under
  2. bunched black letters
  3. are we past
  4. I’ll tell you when
  5. are we past
  1. I’ll tell you what when
  2. who if he can I
  3. we go behind and he
  4. bellow fulls
  5. they didn’t hear me

no one thing touches all that is here

    1. up front
    2. the way we might intend
    3. from love
    1. the way we might take
    2. or make
  1. something more than more than this movement
  2. back and forth and back unveiling
    1. something purged
    2. unshared but shown
    3. you read again no
  1. suffering 
nor any cause of suffering nor
  2. end 
to suffering no
  3. path no wisdom and no fulfilment
  4. no eyes no ear no nose no tongue
 no body mind
  5. no colour sound but now
    1. water
    2. again
    3. the rain water
  1. washing away the dirt from the roof
  2. and down the walls on
  3. the walls unroomed
  4. it leaves the dirt in place

The No Moment

  1. the time passed as a slow slick of congregation
  2. all days inside all parts caught
  3. but the parts did not pass
  4. nor the shelter of the hum and quiet
  5. they had changed her medication but
  6. we were beyond that now
  7. we will relieve the pain they said that’s
  8. all that we can do
  1. we were both there
  2. the no-moment it happened
  3. it was evening I think
  4. as far as I can’t
  5. no more than
  6. the winter tied it to the night
  7. he sat close to me
  8. his headphones on
  9. and something blocking the slim of his face
  10. it is only at times like this I thought

Borne

  1. the other pallbearers upright
  2. under the last wasting weight of her
  1. the companions in lines
  2. their glances sprung forward
  1. we watched as the coffin was
  2. placed at the front and
  1. the mechanism
  2. let it down
  1. we watched the
  2. suddenness the only
  1. time in all
  2. of this
  1. when Truda gets to α
  2. she must leave her room
  3. taking one thing with her
  4. something she has made
  5. and lead all who are there to watch
  6. to the other room and
  7. when she is there
  8. she must sit as she usually sits
  9. she must speak as she usually speaks
  10. she must place what she has brought in the space left by the other
  11. who Truda calls Aut
  12. then leave
  13. and leave
  14. all others
  15. behind

Part Two

for one voice

Unseen

  1. to say that it is not absence is to
  2. tell us nothing, the resemblance
  3. is enough to set it alongside
  1. when one thing becomes another
  2. when something that is becomes nothing
  3. or the nothing left by becoming something
  1. forgetting a name
  2. lost ways of telling
  3. too late to answer
  1. the blow fueled edge
  2. of conscioussness returning
  3. the door checked twice
  1. knowing that you will forget again
  2. the gaps made by art
  3. filled
  1. the gaps filled
  2. by that
  3. masked by art
  1. childlike unnoticing
  2. replaced by the feel
  3. of the dirt we’ve no need to confirm
  1. imagined
  2. as we wipe it from their hands
  3. brayed
  1. or overwhelmed by
  2. the part outside
  3. its own compactness
  1. each new thing
  2. the noise rooted in quiet and uncertainty
  3. the moments that I go missing
  1. mistaken for pauses
  2. coincidence unaddressed
  3. inarticulate
  1. the feeling that memory is absent
  2. when it should be triggered as the
  3. room is lit fully from outside
  1. both windows
  2. resisting the shadow
  3. of the other

Threshold

  1. without judgement
  2. these absences are all we have
  1. I think of going back
  2. following the path and the scheme of trees
  1. through the other gardens
  2. over each fence
  1. when I get to what was ours
  2. the path is gone
  1. just a line trodden in the mud
  2. leaf spine and mulch
  1. a growing welt
  2. holding each step
  1. another walk
  2. the sound of the bourne
  1. like someone is coming
  2. I think of the space
  1. caged by the trunks of the tree
  2. the saw mark
  1. finding and leaving the dead cubs
  2. for someone else to clear
  1. I didn’t even know
  2. what they were
  1. I think of standing there
  2. listening for the passing trains
  1. I could never tell
  2. where they were headed
  1. their loudness was out of place, displaced
  2. and bounced from the surrounding hills
  1. I think of her saying that she made it happen
  2. her voice for his she said
  1. her silence for his silence
  2. she told me I would see
  1. and as I stop
  2. I look past the overgrowth
  1. for a moment
  2. the sun picks out the shadows holding
  3. a patch of the far wall
  1. the wires rigged
  2. steam or smoke rising in the window
  3. the sheer whiteness covering.
    1. It is its own
    2. threshold.
    1. It is an entrance
    2. into itself.
  1. No memories
  2. all memory
  3. the lines of the brickwork disappear
  1. shaking loose
  2. the glare of lost things
  3. renamed, recounting on
  4. and on
  5. it passes through
  1. the heard, shed
  2. crowing

Part Three

for as before

Attention

  1. From the hotel, I went to meet
  2. two of the companions that still lived nearby
  3. I walked with them from their studio to the beach
  4. she looked at the space
  5. and dug-gathered clay with them
  6. our backs to the sea and holding the weight
  7. the cloth in her hand
  8. of the space and the weather
  1. we talked about the colours
  2. nothing was gone
  3. that would be lost in the firing
  4. about my mother about quietness
  5. about hiding, gentleness
  6. nothing was gone
  7. and craft’s rebellion within the flood of art.
  8. They asked after Aut as if asking after us
  9. and as if I could feel whatever
  10. this distance was that they could feel on me
  11. nothing came to mind
  1. nothing (other than my mother that is)

The Day of The Trade

  1. You said it was like a visit, a figure,
  2. shuffling and sitting, polite, deferential.
  3. Your going for him not to me. His voice
  4. for yours. Using it up. That was it. And a
  5. sketch of a room enough to take place
  1. you said you shook and took no time to say
  2. yes. And she was gone with your yes, and
  3. Aut — to talk of Aut now — you had to get
  4. out, thought stripped from each delay and
  5. each delay was where you changed
  1. and changed your mind again until, at last,
  2. it came, as expected, it felt nothing like
  3. justice, or like justice as a move of memory
  4. from remembering. The worst way to forget
  5. you said we both must mention this.

Relinquished

  1. she came up more and more
  2. when I spoke to Aut
  1. he would try and stop me
  2. I would persist until he had to make me stop
  3. he had his ways
  1. the way she would speak of the other Aut
  2. I would say
  3. they never met
  4. that was what she wanted
  5. you could hear it in her words
  6. I couldn’t
  7. one could then
  8. one could
  1. always she, never her
  2. what she was to do never
  3. what was hers
  1. she would say she was a leaving
  2. a leaving felt left
  1. when Truda gets to α
  2. she must tell
  3. all the others
  4. of her
  5. crowdedness
  6. crowdlessness
  7. her crowdedlessness
  8. their or her unlikeness
  9. of the clamp of missed lives
  10. how attention is not possible
  11. of how landscape is not possible
  12. and that nothing is gone
  13. and how
  14. that alertness is needed
  15. but leads to nothing
  16. and that nothing is gone
  17. and that nothing is what is

Untended

  1. as we got closer
  2. to the other room
  3. she seemed to become
  4. detached from her making
  5. lowered by illness
  6. the performances became
  7. shorter and shorter
  8. she would ask others to speak
  9. first the companions and then
  10. those who came to watch
  11. never me
  12. nor Aut
  13. we like the others knew not to say yes
  14. but she still thought we might
  15. by then
  16. more often than not
  17. Aut would return
  18. for the close of
  19. each performance
  20. sometimes
  21. she would notice
  22. and direct
  23. all she said at him
  24. as if she hadn’t known that
  25. he’d been gone
  1. been gone
  2. and done gone
  3. and done
    1. hands
    2. gone to nothing
    3. but
  1. doing and undoing
    1. doing
    2. and undoing
  1. sloughed off
  1. the-waters-s-sounds-s-stilled
    1. done and
    2. undone
    1. done and
    2. un
    3. done
  1. done and
  1. un-nnn
  1. done

Notes Four & Five

  1. When you take what the visual has become and lump it on the audible. That is when the problems start.
  2. And so, with this happening more and more, what he heard, as it was, as an enduring now, is all but drowned down, and all but drowned out.
  1. it starts with a hush
  2. the ceasing of
  3. in common turning
  4. from
  5. our sounds
  6. no sounds
  7. cut
  8. from the rest
  9. until
  10. the hush
  11. bites
  12. and only her voice remains
  13. she stutters
  14. starts
  15. her guess so light
  16. it rests on her voice
  17. in amongst Aut’s
  18. the heaviness eludes her
  19. relinquishes her
  20. fleeing with the rest of them
  21. she could speak of being there alone
  22. no light
  23. trusting nothing
  24. not her breath
  25. or her touch
  26. to be without
  1. touch
  2. outside it
  3. she cannot bear it
  4. or walking alone
  5. still no light
  6. but space and the threat
  7. of others
  8. watching
  9. it coming
  10. at last
  11. often
  12. she fights the need to stop
  13. how do I know
  14. how do I
  15. behind I
  16. I breathe
  17. I know
  18. no
  19. when she wants to stop
  20. she turns to Aut
  21. wherever
  22. he is
  23. her guide
  24. to what is heard by him
  25. the words
  26. the sounds
  27. she says
  28. tells us that
  29. an act of decreation
  30. of a thing
  31. cannot be
  1. anything but the opposite
  2. of your own decreation
  3. waiting for his sounds
  1. enough like
  2. not enough like words
  3. when everyone speaks at once
  4. she says
  5. sometimes it is
  6. so scarce
  7. to him
  8. he faints
  9. in her or my arms
  10. and we will hold him
  11. until
  12. he wakes
  13. for that last time
  14. she speaks
  15. just as before
  16. away from her room
  17. the evening on her
  18. the fading light
  19. her tone is the same
  20. she clutches in her hand
  21. what she has brought
  22. I
  1. look from the space
  2. back to the screen
  3. reading
  4. I
  5. cannot name
  6. these impossible landcapes
  7. all details
  8. in balance
  9. it knocks me from
  10. I read a response
  11. so full of refusing to read
  12. and
  13. for a moment
  14. lose
  15. the photographer’s shadow in his own pictures
  16. the need for distance to see
  17. the need to be close
  18. to see the distance
  19. the doubt
  20. the crumpled paper
  21. antiquing he called it
  22. not doubt
  23. discarded and retrieved
  1. stopping
  2. and stopping
  3. again and again
  4. cutting and pasting
  5. to sign her name
  6. her words covered by my words
  7. how can one thing
  8. I can’t
  1. she looks at the space
  2. again to her hand
  3. nothing is gone
  4. nothing is gone
  5. when Truda gets to α
  6. she must turn back
  7. and start
  8. again

Bound

  1. Because it is better to stay put
  2. than lean on screens by rattling doors
  3. or slump, too tired to sleep, and
  4. press your face against the cold
  5. of the carriage window, its shake
  1. stirred by a deep haunched drone and
  2. your hand shaking too, your hold gone,
  3. your eyes flitting from piles of
  4. stones and matted grass to the
  5. swollen, sodden fields behind.
  1. Shelter from or shelter for? To
  2. think you can speak until nothing
  3. is left. To turn away and place
  4. a fall on a bridge, in the fleeing blur
  5. of the last departing train.

Departure

  1. I paused within reach for a couple of days
  2. and tried to persuade Aut to join me.
  1. He didn’t.
  1. tau was where we had left it
  2. cleared of our things
  3. alpha was alongside.
  1. This time, without Truda and Aut
  2. and no longer amongst the others
  3. I entered the other room.
  4. It too had been cleared of its contents.
  1. Last time, Truda had gathered us and led us all through. There was no moment it happened, but as we watched her perform and listened to her speak, unable to make, the cloth she had woven these past few weeks clutched in her hand — she had filled the space early with a piece cut to size — as all of this went on, she scanned the objects placed in Aut’s case, the severed garments and stitch-blocked letters, the smudged portraits under clogged threads, the rolls
  1. of film unspooled and punctured by needles, the sewn closed clothes and shoes, the layered embroidery piled on itself. She said that it had to fail and spoke of the reminders, when Aut’s language collapsed and reverted, and how sometimes she wished she could take it back.

Part Four

for as after

Overgrown

  1. to be native here stilled
  2. eyes upon the grass
  3. the sunlight bleed on the branches
  4. edged
    1. and the cradling webs
    2. in the hedgerow
    1. to be native
    2. here
  1. overgrown
    1. to be shaken of your own heat
    2. heart
    1. downed
    2. down
    3. ward
    4. by your side
  2. close enough
    1. to be in the distance
    2. emptied
  1. of the distance
  2. of any readiness or afterness
  3. or any other’s words for afterness
  4. of any other’s word alone: afterness
  5. the risk it’s overgrown in you
  1. to be unlooking
  2. or in the afterlook or as
  3. an onlooker
  4. without patience
  5. without waiting
  1. the bricks are plain in sight
  2. the bulb’s glow risen high in the
  3. window the
  4. wind down bed frame
  5. pressed up to the glass
  6. the shaking lost
  7. reclaiming and
  8. the crowing absence gone
    1. to be native
    2. waking
    3. another day
  1. seen from the start
  2. or rising with the fog
  1. the steam from the vent below
  2. drifts into the street behind
    1. the choked steps
    2. made night in day
  1. spoil in the morning thaw
    1. to be native here
    2. to be
    1. close
    2. enough
  1. as nothing is settled surrounds you
    1. to be released and recalled
    2. released
  1. and recalled
  2. neither of them is letting go
    1. released and recalled
    2. released
  1. and recalled
    1. this makeshift struggle
    2. makes itself
  2. again
  1. to be
  1. the sound of the rain is like a fire
  2. dying out
  3. or fat spitting
  4. or the stuttering turn of a spool
  5. unwinding
  1. to be quieting away
  1. from the other ways it’s done
  1. all the world in them
  2. you can no longer find
  1. to be carrying on
  2. to be carrying on
  3. to return
  1. to be carrying on
  2. to be carrying on
  3. and then to return
  1. to be carrying on
  2. to be carrying on
  3. to be released and recalled
    1. and then
    2. returned
  1. to be carrying on
  2. to be carrying on
    1. to be carrying
    2. on
    1. carrying
    2. on